I spent my teenage years giggling over soppy films with my friends and staying up late into the night reading romance novels. I knew exactly the sort of husband I wanted - a man with the faith of Clark from "Love Comes Softly", the dashing good looks of Mr Darcy from "Pride and Prejudice" and the looks of Freddie Prinze Jr (I was a child of the 90s!!) Of course he also had to have a great sense of humour and be really fun to hang out with! In fact, during one extremely boring chemistry lesson, my best friend and I drew up a "Perfect Man" list, with all the qualities we wanted in a husband. There were 14 things on my list!!
Now, before you start to laugh, I'll have you know that my husband is 12 of those 14 things! He may not have a Scottish accent (no.9) nor does he own a skateboard (I know, I know! It was a phase!!) but he is a fun-to-be-with, godly man who I happen to think is pretty darn handsome!!
But he ISN'T romantic. Not in the classical sense anyway. No flowers, no chocolates, no love letters (unless I suggest them, but that kinda spoils it doesn't it?!) He doesn't whisk me away on surprise dates, bring me breakfast in bed nor spend hours gazing into my eyes. And you know what, those things weren't even on my list because I assumed they were a GIVEN! My diet of romance novels and soppy films led me to assume that if he really loved me, all these things were automatic! As you can imagine, I was in for a shock!!
At first, it caused some tension in our marriage. He felt my expectations were unrealistic (they were!) and I felt like he didn't really love me (stoopid!) Then I realised that my husband DOES show his love for me in a zillion ways, I just refused to recognise it because they weren't what I expected. Like taking out the recycling. I HATE taking out the recycling! There is no reason for this - the bin is just a few steps from the door and most of the time it isn't even raining! But for some reason, I really dislike doing it and knowing that, I often go to do it only to find that my Hubby has already done it! Swoon! Last week I was at my wits end with our toddler (see previous post!) and Hubby offered to take care of the kids for the evening so I could run over to a friends house for a cup of tea and a giggle. It was a sacrifice for him to do this as he had a lot to do that evening, but he made the offer because he loves me and could see I needed a break. I could give you a ton of similar little examples similar to these!
We are just about to celebrate our 6th Wedding Anniversary and without doubt this is the greatest lesson I have learned - appreciate the little things and look for romance in unlikely places. It is hiding everywhere if only we can recognise it! Don't waste your time pining after Mr Darcy. Love the man you have and pay attention to the ways he expresses his love for you because they may not be what you expect!
And while I won't pretend that a bunch of roses wouldn't be a welcome surprise occasionally, I am feel so loved to have a man who makes me a cup of tea when I am tired, feeds the chickens when it is raining and swings by the shop for milk without complaining when I have forgotten (again!)
